A Force In You (Reader One-Shot)
by lalalazy123
Summary: A gender neutral reader self-insert regarding the secret you kept while at the Resistance base. On one fateful day your world comes crashing down at you after taking on a simple escort mission during battle. (Takes place before SW: TFA)


_**I Am One With The Force and the Force Is With Me**_

You. A skilled X-wing pilot and Resistance fighter. A Force wielder.

You held the title of Resistance pilot proudly and in high regards. The latter was a past you wished to forget. It was a painful thought for you that you had to wield such a power.

Back at the Resistance base, you were well known by many. You had been there since the beginning, a young man/woman following after, formerly Princess, Leia Organa. She preferred being called General now. Having known her for years and equally having gone through a similar pain as yours, the newfound General Organa treated you with an almost motherly instinct.

It was there at Resistance base that you managed to meet your closest friend, the Republic pilot who turned to the Resistance, Poe Dameron. Having already been experienced in the air, Poe took on the challenge of teaching you everything he knew to the best of his ability, at request of the general. Any chance or break that either of you two had would be spent in one of the X-wing either learning the controls or carefully flying around in one of the systems for practice.

No one at Resistance headquarters but you and Leia knew the truth about your past and about your force sensitivity. You just knew that one day someone would find out or that you would be obliged to tell, and you sincerely had hoped that day would never come. Yet, of course, the scruffy-looking nerfherder of a pilot you called your best friend had to be the one to break you down.

That fateful day of truth just had to happen during a time of emotional turmoil for you. The First Order had sent a large fleet of troopers to raid and capture a smaller, but highly important Resistance base on Yavin. No one was sure how they had obtained the coordinates to such an inconspicuous base but General Organa entrusted you with the task of flying in with the reinforcements. You managed to fly in on the base, skillfully maneuvering against the tie fighters and followed by larger aircrafts that brought in more people to help in the fight. You swiftly hopped out of your X-wing, blaster in hand and fully ready to help push back the incoming stormtroopers.

It was a tough battle in the Yavin forest, the troopers sometimes getting dangerously close to breaking through. Yet, you did not expect the unexpected to happen. As you hid behind a mass of trees avoiding a volley of incoming fire, the large shadow of a First Order starship passed overhead, sending a sudden chill down your spine. No, definitely not a good sign. You felt such a dark presence yet you refused to believe it was him. You didn't want it to be.

Your body bounced in an antsy sort of anticipation and before you knew it your legs were off in the direction you had seen the starship land, your mind still in hesitation. You just wanted- no, you needed to know whether it was really him that you felt. With a confusing amount of evasive actions, you had snuck your way into enemy territory. You got as close as you possibly could have to the starship, your body hidden behind one of the large trees nearby. Mustering all the courage you didn't know you had, you peeked your head around the trunk to see what was going on.

You felt your chest tighten as you watched the ominous, masked figure walk down the ramp followed by the chromatic Captian of the First Order. They stopped in front of the ship, the mask slowly turning to look around as if to survey its surroundings. In the moment you hitched your breath, Ben So- Kylo Ren, you meant- turned to face you. You held your breath for what felt like an eternity, you swore you could feel as his intense gaze bore into into your own eyes, unable to look away. As soon as he did look away, you turned your back against the tree, the sound of your heartbeat drumming quickly in your ears. Did he know you were there? Did he know it was you? Thoughts sped through your brain faster than you could react to.

After a few quick breaths and after letting the shaking of your legs stop, you heard speaking coming from the other side. You decided to listen in even though your body screamed for you to turn around and head back where you came from. "This base no longer holds any information important to the Order," you heard the deep, muffled version of voice you used to know between the noises of the battle, "Pull the division out, the map isn't here for our taking." After a brief moment of silence, you heard the heavy footsteps walk back into the ship and the Captian issuing out an order through her communicator.

Relief yet fear coursed through you as you realized you had to make it back to Resistance base through the retreating enemies. Employing the same tactics you had used before, and taking down a few stormtroopers along the way, you began to speed up once you saw the base up ahead. As you came closer to your comrades, you heard a boisterous amount of cheering break out throughout the Resistance fighters. Although you were equally as happy that The First Order had not won this battle, you were left unsettled from the unexpected encounter.

The people around base walked around congratulating their friends on the well fought victory, holding each other in victorious embraces and giving out hard pats on the back. You, well more or less, inadvertently avoided the festivity and headed straight back to your X-wing. The flight back was silent, unwanted thoughts still buzzing through your head. You couldn't wait until you arrived back to the base and familiar faces you called home.

As soon as you landed back on base you spotted the well-known black, wavy hair followed by your favorite little BB-8 unit coming towards your X-wing. Putting on the most convincing fake smile you could plaster on your face, Poe came up congratulating you on your success asking you if you wanted to go for lunch as a celebration. As soon as the words came out of his mouth, you denied his offer, pretending to be tired from all the excitement and asking him to come chat with you later. As fast as you had hurried to your X-wing before, you quickly walked towards your quarters at the base with your gaze fixed to the floor in front of you.

Upon reaching your bed, you collapsed onto it, your stare now looking up onto the ceiling. You still had the image of the transfixed mask in your mind, thoughts of your past creeping into the present. No longer being able to take the feeling of guilt and fear, you got up and slowly walked towards the wardrobe in your room. With a deep breath, you reached towards the back until feeling the cool metal box you expected to feel. Staring at it with a mix of awe and remorse, you silently began to unlock the box. You sat at the edge of your bed, the box sitting on your lap as you looked upon the contents inside.

You pulled your old sets of Padawan and apprentice robes out the box, delicately placing them next to you. You ran your hands over the fabric, wondering if they would still fit you. A small, silent gulp passed through you as you looked to the box for the last remnant of your past. In your hands you held your lightsaber, the one thing you swore you would never want to hold again. You stood up, wanting just one more time to see the power of the kyber crystal. You watched as the the blade came to life, the light it emitted giving giving an eerie glow to you skin.

As you stood there in a stance that reminisced the one you had learned long ago, the door to you room slide open to reveal a chuckling Poe Dameron. "Hey are we getting lunch or what? I'm starving over here..." Poe came in saying with a stupid grin before falling silent to the sight in front of him. You watched your best friend with wide eyed horror before powering down the saber and letting it drop down to the floor with a clunk. Of course your first reaction was anger, even though you knew you couldn't blame him. You and Poe had enough trust in each other that you could access each other's quarters whenever you needed. Tears began to well up in your eyes and you started to break down, muttering apologies to the pilot. Although he gave you confused reassurances, you could not let it go. You never wanted anyone to find out, even if the the guilt of never telling one of the people closest to you ate you up.

Just as you suspected, you felt Leia Organa's presence coming closer and closer to your location, even she could sense your distress from a mile away. As soon she walked into the mess that you felt you had created, she came to your side with worry written on her expression. "Is this really what I think it means?" Poe asked as he looked around at your artifacts, speaking gently as to not pressure you even though it seemed like a clearly obvious answer. After a moment of heavy silence filled the room, Poe began to get up to leave the room, not really knowing what more he could do but give you some privacy. Before he could get up to leave, you stopped him and looked to Leia with a nod. You wanted to explain to him. No, you really had to.


End file.
